Post by arcpanda on Jan 11, 2007 10:37:21 GMT -5
Okay you have to read these
THE IDIOT REPORT
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
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Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received a ticket in the mail for $40 showing a photo of his car. Instead of payment he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
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Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded the cash from the drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. The cashier refused saying "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber argued that he was, but the clerk still refused to hand it over.
The robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and put the Scotch in the bag. The man then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police giving the name and address he got from the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas. Seems this guy wanted beer pretty bad. He decided that he'd throw a cinder block through the liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area, probably Weyauwega, Wisconsin. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township office requesting the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I replied, "If it was without my knowledge how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. One day I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is green.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
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A good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and REPRODUCE ..!!!
THE IDIOT REPORT
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received a ticket in the mail for $40 showing a photo of his car. Instead of payment he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded the cash from the drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. The cashier refused saying "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber argued that he was, but the clerk still refused to hand it over.
The robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and put the Scotch in the bag. The man then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police giving the name and address he got from the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 20056
Arkansas. Seems this guy wanted beer pretty bad. He decided that he'd throw a cinder block through the liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area, probably Weyauwega, Wisconsin. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township office requesting the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I replied, "If it was without my knowledge how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. One day I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is green.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and REPRODUCE ..!!!
